What to do when your spouse cheats


Discovering and defining

Molly Mulshine.

Snapchat icon A ghost. Your partner refuses to apologize.

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Your partner said sorry once, and thinks that should be enough. The cheater blames their actions on something other than themselves. No one else in your life thinks the cheater deserves another chance. Your significant other still sees or contacts the person with whom they cheated — and lies about it.

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8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful

The reasons you want to stay together have nothing to do with your relationship. Chin up, sweetheart. We're going to get through this together. Don't fall apart.

Easier said than done. When my ex told me on New Year's Eve, of all times that he "thought" he was in love with someone else, my first thought was, "Oh snap, there's not enough alcohol in the house for this crisis. And as tempting as those are: don't. Instead, take a breath and repeat after me: This will not define me.

And believe me, it won't. Don't start a mud-slinging campaign. It's so tempting to start calling every single friend you two have to dump on what your ex is doing to your life of bliss.

Dr. Phil's Advice for Couples Coping with Infidelity - Oprah's Lifeclass - Oprah Winfrey Network

The danger in this is that -- by doing it -- you make yourself look really, really bad. Close friends and family that you KNOW is different, but beyond your small circle, resist the urge unless you want to come out looking like the "soon-to-be evil ex". Don't get destructive.

9 Things To Do When Your Partner Cheats On You

Oh, sure, it's all fun and games until you "accidentally" shatter the front to his commemorative window box with a football signed by what's-his-name. Any damage you do to the property in your home -- regardless of whether it's "yours" or "his" -- will have financial consequences for you later. So put that Sharpie down and don't ask your bestie if three-four letter words need a hyphen or not. Don't involve the kids until you absolutely have to.

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Your kids are the audience to this mess; they have front row tickets to the show and you don't want to give them any more fodder for their future therapists than you have to, so keep it between you and your ex until you absolutely must tell them what's going on. And only the bare facts, if possible. Sorry, but a backhanded explanation of, "Sorry honey, daddy isn't here now because he's hanging out with his new friend with the fake breasts and letting mommy hold the bag of all our broken dreams" isn't going to win you any points in the long run.

Keep it clean, ladies.

“I Caught My Wife Cheating: What Now?”

Don't play "keeping up with the Joneses". Many of my girlfriends did this game and it never ended well.

How to Move Forward when someone cheats

Avoid asking questions such as 'Were they better in bed than me? Avoid immediately blaming your partner, the affair partner or yourself. It may seem tempting to hurl an insult at your partner or get into name-calling of their affair partner, but this often gets in the way of true understanding. You should also resist self-blame.


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An affair can never be the 'fault' of a faithful partner. Take time to think about what you want to happen next. Once you have established the facts, if your partner resolves to end the affair and re-commit to your relationship, be slow to judge.

You'll need to reflect on whether you're able to forgive the breach of trust and you may not yet have all the information with which to make that decision. Only after talking and establishing the reasons for the affair, will you be able to decide. You can however say that you're willing to work with your partner and to try to understand why this has happened.

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